More Than A Mom

more than a mom motherhood Mar 25, 2022

Hi there...

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Sandra Jarvis. I'm the mother of five amazing adult children and grandma to six adorable little people. I've been married to my husband, Jim, for 35 years, and together, we've created a pretty amazing family. 

I'm also a Professional Certified Life Coach with three certifications and more than a thousand hours of experience. I'm a musician who has played the violin for nearly 50 years. I'm a baker, a seamstress, a crocheter, a blogger, a doll-maker, an inspirational speaker, a choc-o-holic, and a lover of all things Disney.

And...I'm an author. My memoir, Severed: A Memoir of Hope and Healing, is available on Amazon. 

So, why do I tell you all these things?

For the first 25 years of my adult life, I was a mom. And not just any mom. I was a stay-at-home mom. In fact, I was THAT stay-at-home mom.

I was the soccer mom, driving a minivan with all of my kids to soccer and swim and basketball and all the things. I brought the snacks and the water and the orange slices. I cheered from the sidelines at all the games, while my husband volunteered as the coach.

I was also the dance mom, spending hours at the dance studio, making costumes for recitals, perfecting the hair and make-up routines, and making sure everyone knew their part.

It didn't stop there...

I was the PTA mom, too. I served as room mom, carnival chairman, secretary, treasurer, vice-president, and finally, president. All of the teachers knew me. All of my kids' friends knew me. I was on a first-name basis with the principal of their school. 

The point is...I was a career mom.  Most people knew me as "Angela's mom" or "Aubree's mom." Eighty percent of the people I interacted with on a daily basis had no clue what my name was. But they knew my kids!

And that was fine for a while.

I had been raised to believe that motherhood was the end all, be all. It was to be the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I could do as a woman. So, when I got married and then pregnant at the age of nineteen, I threw myself into it wholeheartedly.

And I was good at it!

But also...I was MISERABLE!

Don't get me wrong. I loved my kids. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I felt lucky to have that opportunity.

But I didn't find it fulfilling. And honestly, I didn't know I had any other choice. My upbringing had made it clear that I had a perfect life and I shouldn't want more than that. After all, being a stay-at-home mom was the ultimate goal for someone like me!

So, for twenty-five years, I was a mom. I dabbled in college during that time, taking lots of classes and amassing more than one-hundred college credits. But I felt guilty for any time it took away from my family, so I never made a plan to get a degree. It was more of an escape from the monotony of my daily life. 

I also struggled with depression. I felt worthless like I had nothing to give to the world. I worried about what would happen if something happened to my husband because I had no experience in the world. I wanted to contribute to the family income but didn't know how to do that while raising five kids. So I just kept doing what I'd been taught to do. 

When my youngest daughter reached school age, I began teaching violin lessons out of our home. That gave me something to do that I loved...and it allowed me to make a little bit of extra income to help out with the expense of raising a large family. It brought some satisfaction, but I even felt guilty doing that...because again, it took time away from my family. And I thought I was supposed to be one-hundred percent focused on them!

Finally, in 2014, I was in an accident that change my life in many ways. My right hand was severed in a rollover ATV accident and I spent the next five years undergoing twenty surgeries to reattach and repair my hand. By the time I emerged from the fog of oxycodone, my kids were all grown and I discovered that I had nothing for me. I'd spent all those years taking care of everyone else...but never really developed my own interests or skills. 

I felt lost.

But those five years taught me some things about myself and my family.

First, I really had gone all-in on parenting. My whole life was about my kids...and I'm not sure that was actually the best thing for me or for them.

BUT...

During those years, I got the benefit of watching what my family would do without me because I literally couldn't do anything for them for a very long time. And guess what. They survived. In fact, they more than survived. They thrived! They stepped up and did amazing things. 

What I realized from watching them during that time was that they were perfectly capable of doing things for themselves. In fact, all that time I'd been doing things for them, I was keeping them from taking responsibility for themselves. 

Mind. Blown.

My family was okay without me.

I could have let them do more for themselves so I could do more for myself.

It was then that I began to learn about myself.

I learned that I was worthy of love...self-love and acceptance.

I learned that I had value to offer the world.

I discovered the power I have in my mind to make seemingly impossible things happen. (That's a story for another day!)

I discovered that I had interests and passions that had never been developed because I was so consumed with motherhood.

Most importantly, I realized that I am so much more than just a mom.

Just to be clear, being a mom is not a bad thing. I loved my kids. I wanted to be there for them as much as possible. And if being a stay-at-home mom is what lights you up and makes you want to get out of bed every day, more power to you!

But if you don't find motherhood to be the most fulfilling--albeit totally amazing--job on the planet, I get it! And I've got you!

The past decade has been full of life-changing, mind-blowing experiences for me. That's what made me realize that there are a lot of moms out there who are reluctant to see themselves as more than just a mom...but who might do amazing things in the world if they did.

As I look back over my life, I wish I'd understood that it was okay to put my kids in daycare occasionally so I could develop my own skills and interests. I wish I'd understood that working moms love their kids every bit as much as stay-at-home moms. I wish I'd been able to see that having a purpose outside of motherhood is actually a healthy gift to give your children. 

Most mothers play an incredibly important role in their children's lives, especially when they are young. Setting an example of what's possible is a good thing. Allowing kids to see their mom do more than serve them is positive. Seeing their mom accomplish things outside of their home is empowering. And knowing that mom is human with her own likes, dislikes, and interests creates children who are less self-absorbed and more independent. 

If you are like me, and you chose to be a stay-at-home mom until your children were grown, that's awesome. You've done amazing things for your kids...and now it's time to do amazing things for yourself. 

And if you're a young mom who finds herself wanting more, that's okay--and totally normal--too!

That's what this space is all about...validating, encouraging, and helping women who gave up their personal dreams to become mothers, only to discover that motherhood wasn't actually their dream. It's time to claim your worth. It's time to ignite your passion. It's time to wake up to the fact that you are so much more than just a mom. 

You can still be a mom. You can still love being a mom. But if you want more, I'm here to tell you that it's okay! And I want to help you figure out your purpose outside of motherhood. 

What do you want to do with the rest of your life?

What are the possibilities for you?

What lights you up and makes you feel alive?

What is your passion?

And how can you stay connected to that passion and purpose, every single day?

Those are the questions we're exploring in this space. 

Tune in to the Mama's Dreamin' Podcast to join the discussion. And if you're ready to jump in and start making changes today, I've got a free course to help you define your purpose and create a plan for reaching it. 

More Than A Mom is a three-module course that will teach you:

1. Why having a strong life purpose is an essential element of human well-being

2. How to uncover your purpose and create a plan for fulfilling it

3. Tools to make positive change and stay connected to your goal every single day. 

And did I mention that it's absolutely FREE?

Grab it today and get started on your goal to becoming More Than A Mom!

Claim your worth and ignite your passion...because you're the only one who can do it!

Sincerely, Sandra

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